I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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