I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
