so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
