OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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