you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
