hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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