i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
