he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
