it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
