oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
