I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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