im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
