All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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