His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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