you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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