She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
