Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
