just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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