U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
