Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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