I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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