We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
