So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
