well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
