Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize