Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
