I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
