I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
