I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
