i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
