and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
