We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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