Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
