i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
