You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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