this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
