Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
