Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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