watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
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Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
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Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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