he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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