if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
