i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Of course I have a pirate flag
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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