All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
