Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
