He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
