He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
