At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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