i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize