Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
