He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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