The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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