im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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