she woke up with a sticky ear
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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