lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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