My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
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I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
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Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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