OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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